• Tension-Building Phase

• Abuser grows irritable, critical, or moody
• Survivor feels anxious, tries to appease or avoid conflict
• Warning signs: insults, silent treatment, controlling behaviors
• Survivor may blame themselves or overcompensate

• Incident/Explosion Phase

• Abuse occurs (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional)
• Survivor experiences shock, fear, humiliation, or harm
• Power and control tactics used (threats, coercion)

• Reconciliation/Honeymoon Phase

• Abuser apologizes, offers gifts, pledges change
• Expressions of love and regret create false hope
• Survivor feels conflicted: hopeful but wary
• This phase delays leaving and reinforces attachment

• Calm/Normal Phase

• Relationship seems stable or “normal” again
• Survivor may minimize past abuse or deny severity
• Routine comforts obscure warning signs
• Tension slowly rebuilds, restarting the cycle

• Why Leaving Is Hard

• Fear of escalated violence upon departure
• Emotional bonds, love, and hope for change
• Financial dependence or lack of resources
• Children, housing, or immigration concerns
• Guilt, shame, and self-blame

• Survivor Experiences

• “I missed the good times and held on to them.”
• “I was scared no one would believe me.”
• “He threatened self-harm if I left.”
• “I didn’t recognize the abuse until much later.”

• Breaking the Cycle

• Support over judgment: validate feelings
• Safety planning and professional advocacy
• Practical help: transportation, housing, finances
• Connect with specialized domestic violence services

• Where to Get Help (Ontario)

• Assaulted Women’s Helpline (24/7): 1-866-863-0511
• Luke’s Place: Family law support for survivors
• 211 Ontario: Local services and shelters
• Barbra Schlifer Clinic: Legal, counselling, safety planning
• Ontario Women’s Shelters: Confidential refuge and support